Black Balsam Elopement Photographer
As an Asheville based adventure elopement photographer, I am constantly looking for hidden meaning or hidden story within an image, a couple, or a location. Black Balsam happens to be one of my favorite locations in the Asheville, North Carolina area to photograph elopements. I grew up in Asheville hiking different trails and the terrain at Black Balsam really speaks to me. With the gorgeous rock covered balds it feels almost like something out of Ireland as opposed to Asheville. If you are searching for a Black Balsam elopement photographer, you will want to find someone who is out to capture more than just the beautiful landscape, but to capture the beauty of your Story. It sounds a bit hokey and cliche, but Story is a huge part of our lives. Sarah and Bryan decided to elope at Black Balsam and if you want to understand what I mean by Story, check out their elopement video. We think Story is so important that we recorded a podcast episode about Story.
Your Story Matters
We truly believe that your story matters. Katie May and I have shared some major parts of our Story; from infidelity, to miscarriage, to grief and loss. We believe that Story is an integral part of the meaning making of our lives. We often try to make meaning out of our lives through the Story of who we are and the stories we like to tell ourselves about what is going on. Often the stories we tell ourselves are incomplete, lacking in context, or flat out wrong. I use Story with a capital “S” as it represents the true Story of our lives, the one that is constantly being added to, re-contexualized, and reinterpreted. Our Story is often just an interpretation that is constantly evolving, ever changing, and gives us a better sense of who we are and what we are about. I use lower case for the plural “stories” as these are often lies or false interpretations we create to give circumstances meaning and purpose to fit a pre-prescribed narrative we have of the meaning of our lives. I tell myself stories on a daily basis. I’m not good enough, I’m dumb, no one cares what I have to say, I’m insignificant, no one understands me. These are all stories. We create stories about others as well. They have it so easy, they don’t struggle with anything, their life is perfect. Most stories are bullshit and are often a way to pad our precious egos. So why does our Story Matter?
Allegory and Hidden Story
Allegory is a hidden meaning within a story or a piece of art. The hidden meaning of our lives can be discovered through working through and with our past Story, present Story, and the stories that we tell ourselves to be true. Interpretation can be difficult, especially if we are not willing to acknowledge that there may be an alternative story at play, or at the very least more than a single way of looking at things. Situations are often complicated, nuanced, and require someone with perspective, humility, and curiosity to interpret correctly. Or possibly there is no “correct” interpretation, but there are ways of viewing a situation from a macro level rather than from a micro one.
The Missing Pieces
When we make up stories about what is going on in our world in order to make sense of it, we create and incomplete picture of what is true. It becomes our truth and we often filter much of our thinking through those truths. It’s almost as if we have a few pieces in a multi-thousand piece puzzle. We try to create a full picture with the small amount that we do possess and it leaves us forcing pieces together that don’t necessarily fit and then thinking that we have completed the puzzle. It is only when we have proper context through communication that we are able to actually have a slightly better understanding of what is happening in a given situation. So how do we go about getting proper context and not falling prey to a world of fallacy, treading mental water, and inaccurate interpretations?
Silence is Deadly
Remaining silent and ruminating on your false interpretation of a situation harbors resentment against others, hinders progress, and creates barriers. DO NOT STAY SILENT and allow the story of injustice, hurt, or confusion to take hold and pilot your racing mind. If not silence, then what? What will help to still that ever constant voice in our head that just won’t shut up?
Communication and Curiosity
Curious communication is always more effective than accusatory, aggressive, or prideful communication. When we come from a place of pride, we are often trying to prove our point and be heard rather than hearing what the other person has to say. Coming from a place of aggression is no better. We cannot bully our way to the truth. Doubling down, remaining hardened, and believing your “truth” to be 100% accurate is a dangerous place to live. Your truth becomes the only truth, and no one else matters. Their feelings don’t matter, they are just flat out wrong. “I know for a fact,” you may say. Facts are often misinterpreted, lacking in information, or nebulous at best. Republicans have their facts, democrats have theirs, and they often don’t align. FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS. Lastly, accusatory communication is ineffective and does not work towards resolution, but rather towards inevitable conflict. When you rail against someone with a “should” or “should not,” you are placing yourself above the other person and essentially putting them on trial. No wonder they get defensive. If you really want to get to the root of stories that seem to play on repeat in your brain, ways in which people have hurt you, or they have disappointed you, TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT. Come from a place of love, curiosity, and grace. What does that look like?
Stilling The Voice In Your Head
If you’ve listened to our Podcast, The Allegory and Elm Podcast, you will know that I have a negative self voice, the voice in my head, and I have named him Brad. Or rather I have coined him BRRRRRRRAD. It’s not named after a specific person, it was just any easy name for me to say, “shut the fuck up, Brad,” to. If your name is Brad, I have nothing, but mad love for you. So anyway, I often need to put Brad in his place, because he will run rampant if left unchecked or unchallenged. Brad loves to whisper stories into my ear. He’s so subtle and smooth about it. It’s always just a casual, throwaway line, that I often take the bait on. He’s right. That is what’s happening. What a genius. Thanks again for cracking the case, Brad. Wait a second. Intuition is great, your gut can often be super intuitive and on the money, but you have to decipher if it’s your gut, truth, or just Brad popping off again. My main point is to challenge your way of thinking and don’t just settle for what your mind tells you. Don’t feed it, or stroke Brad’s massive ego. But, how?
Meditation is also super helpful with stilling the voice in your head. I have been meditating every morning for the last 60 plus days. I’m by no means cured, and I still have B-Rad up there with his ADHD bouncing from one conspiracy theory about life to another. How do I shut him up? Meditation helps me to refocus. When the mind tends to wander, a meditation practice trains you to come back to yourself and to recenter yourself. Prayer is a form of meditation, so if you are religious, spiritual, or in a relationship with a deity, pray it up and still the voice. Quiet your mind and then you will find clarity. Namaste, Bitches.
Boxing People In
We often box people into who we think they are as individuals. “Oh, that’s typical Tom, up to his same old shit.” We tell ourself, this person is this way or that way. Yes humans are habitual, and many of us are set in our ways or believe very strongly about certain topics, and often live out of those beliefs. However, it doesn’t mean that we should box people into our interpretive identity we have for them. They are an individual with the propensity to grow and change. Who are we to stifle their growth or close them off from change? Even if the stifling only resides in the dark recesses of our mind. That can change us and leave us fixed. We are actually boxing ourselves in in an attempt to shape others to fit our narrative. Proceed with caution.
The Call to Courage
Courage comes in many forms. Often courage can be having a difficult conversation that you would rather avoid. Avoidance doesn’t make the problem go away. I would argue that it makes the problem worse. Avoidance and silence creates rifts, damaging story cycles, and walls that don’t allow others in. You can close yourself off to really experiencing the breakthrough that you are actually desiring. Peace is the goal, contentment, and grace the tools of the day. Find within yourself the courage to speak your perspective in love and from a place of vulnerability. Share your insecurity, your fear or what story you may be telling yourself, however ridiculous it may sound. This is where we are able to meet people in the middle and not judge them. This is where we can not have set expectations of an outcome, but rather get context for a bigger picture that we may be missing.
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